


Ember

by Constance722



Category: The Young and the Restless
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:35:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28097028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Constance722/pseuds/Constance722
Summary: Philly future one shotRevised HistoryHoliday Themed
Relationships: Billy Abbott/Phyllis Summers
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Ember

December 2022

“Well, you were right. They’ve shut down – just like everything else. So much for the perfect Christmas.” She sighed heavily as she placed her phone on the coffee table and collapsed onto the sofa beside her daughter. 

“Mom, it’s okay. Honestly, it is. Look at all the stuff that’s already here. You must’ve bought out half of Chicago.” 

Phyllis turned towards the pile of presents that now far exceeded the circumference of the velvet tree skirt. The sparkling lights seemed to agree with the sentiment as they cast a festive glow on the bounty. “I guess it’ll be good for her to have some things to open on New Years,” she smiled.

“She’ll probably still be opening those on New Years.” Summer teased. “She just turned one, Mom. She would have been happy to gnaw on the corner of the box.” 

“Well she’ll look back on these pictures one day and I want her to know that she had plenty of presents and plenty of people that loved her. That’s the most important thing to me especially since I can’t be here all the time.” She reached for the glass of red wine that sat on the table in front of her. Holidays had a way of wearing on her emotions even more than usual and tonight being back here, being back in this place … 

“You could be you know.” She said the words softly, slowly, with a hesitancy she’d yet to completely perfect. Every time she spoke to her mother on the phone, she tried to give her reasons to come back to town and occasionally it had worked. She’d come back for her wedding, for a few days during the scare she’d had in her first trimester, and for about a week after the baby was born. As she’d watch her cradle the little girl in her arms, she’d actually allowed herself to hope it might be enough – that the love she had for her granddaughter might overwhelm the pain that kept her away. And yet she’d still gone again, with tears in her eyes, and even more pain in her soul.

“Summer,” she whispered, her voice already breaking a bit, “You know that there’s nothing I’d like more than …” 

“You can’t avoid talking to him forever, Mom.” There was more condemnation in her voice than she’d intended, slightly more judgment than she’d wanted to levy. Still, she didn’t apologize. Being a mother had changed her already in ways she had never imagined it would. The petty, vindictive things that used to hold so much importance to her simply didn’t anymore. Nothing mattered more than being close to her daughter – than spending time with her family and she couldn’t fathom anything that would keep her mother away from that goal. 

“You know what he …” She stopped. Even saying the words seemed to allow some dark, uninvited guest into the room. “Let’s not go there.” She tried to smile as she reached for her hand. “I’m here now, right? And it looks like I’m going to be here for even longer than I planned.” Another drink from the wine glass sent a rush of warmth through her. “Did you work that out with big guy upstairs?” 

She relented, realizing the argument was futile. “I don’t think I have an in with God,” she laughed. “He’s probably still making me work off some of my past sins.” 

“Don’t say that. It’s Christmas. I think he gives us all a bit of a pass at Christmas.” Her eyes closed as she pulled her daughter closer to her. This was what mattered most. The rest … well, it was a reality she had to accept. “So,” she pulled back and glanced over at the antique clock on the mantle, “Where’s that handsome husband of yours? It’s really starting to come down out there. Shouldn’t he be getting home?” 

Summer nodded. “He called a little bit ago while you were upstairs putting Anne down. It’s slow going on the road, but they’re on the way.” Her sudden stillness proved she hadn’t missed the veiled comment. 

“They?” She blinked as she slowly sat the glass back down on the table. “Who’s they?” 

“Well, Jabot had their holiday party tonight, so ….” She could feel the tension building. 

“Summer.” 

She’d heard this tone from her mother many times before. 

“He’s coming here isn’t he?” Her question was met with silence. “Isn’t he?!” 

“Mom, wait!” She reached for her as she stood and quickly began to scramble for her coat and bag. 

“I’ll go to the club,” Phyllis said hastily. “Just call me in the morning and let me know when he’s gone and I’ll come and spend the rest of the day with you and Anne.”

“Mom, please don’t. I think this will be good. I think you two need to talk. It’s been what … five years now?” 

Her hand tightened around the bag. “Something like that,” she managed through clenched teeth. She knew exactly how long it had been. 3 years, 6 months, 18 days. Not since she’d seen him of course. They’d seen each other at the wedding and again briefly when Anne was born, but she’d done everything she needed to ensure she didn’t have to speak to him. She barely looked at him. She couldn’t. And that could end tonight. 

“You should have told me he was coming here.” 

“Well, you …” She paused. “It’s the Abbott house, Mom. You had to kind of figure that they’d all come here for Christmas, right?” 

Phyllis let the bags fall from her hand and lowered herself back to the sofa to sit beside her. Had she? On some level was this what she wanted? “I hadn’t really thought about it, honestly. I just wanted to spend time with Anne and I knew this is where you were and I guess I didn’t think about the fact that they’d probably all be coming over here to …” 

She didn’t have time to consider it any further because in the same instance the sound of whipping wind and shuffling feet echoed through the room. 

“Boy.” Jack’s voice seemed to fill all the empty space in the room. He shook the snow off his coat before closing the door and stepping further into the warmth of the house. “It’s really coming down out there. I’m betting they’ll be closing off the roads soon. I half expected them to make the announcement while we were driving out here. I guess we should be grateful we didn’t have to hike the …” His words stopped short as he finally looked up to take inventory of the room. 

“Well look who it is.” His skin was still chilled as he pressed his face against hers and pulled her tight against his chest. “It’s good to see you. I know Summer was hoping you’d come.” 

“Good to see you too,” she smiled as she pulled back from their embrace. They’d made their peace years ago and he’d been a sort of savior to her while she’d been away. As much as she knew she needed to stay away for her own sanity, she also needed to know her daughter was okay. Jack was someone she could always count on both to love Summer and to tell her the truth – even if it wasn’t a truth she always wanted to hear. There were others she once thought might be able to fill that role, but they had failed her in a way that still left her wounded and ready to run. 

His soft, blue eyes seemed to darken a bit as his mouth opened slightly. “Um, I don’t know if you know it or not, but …” 

She heard his voice before she saw him. 

“You got the rest of the presents from the trunk?” 

He was calling back to someone, she realized, presumably Kyle. Her heart beat a bit faster as she tried to ready herself for the inevitable situation she wouldn’t be able to avoid. In a place like this, in a moment like this, she couldn’t simply see him and not speak. There weren’t enough people, not enough distractions and it was Christmas after all. 

“Jack,” Billy glared at him with a smirk as she stepped through the door, his face hidden behind a precariously stacked tower of gifts. “You’re really gonna walk in here empty handed knowing what the backseat of that car looks like? You better make like Santa and …” He lowered the gifts to the floor as the air in his lungs filtered through his lips and seemed to take all his words with it. 

“Phyllis.” He forced himself to take another breath as he tried to process the fact that she was actually there, standing in front of him. So many times in the past few years he’d imagined what he might say to her if given the chance and now here she was and his mind failed him. “I …” he stammered. “I didn’t … I didn’t know you were …” 

She turned to look at Jack, finding it easier to direct her conversation towards him. “Summer called me and she told me she’d really like me to come for Christmas. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get the time off from work, so I didn’t want to make any promises, but …”

It was Summer that spoke next. She reached up to touch her shoulder, her hand steadying her, almost as if she was afraid without her extra support she might run for the nearest exit. “I thought it would be good for Anne if she was here for Christmas. Last Christmas she was too little to be fun, but this Christmas she’ll love the lights and everything. Besides, even if she doesn’t really get into all the toys, she’ll try to eat all the wrapping paper.” 

Billy managed a nervous smile as his eyes still remained transfixed on the woman in front of him. “So you’re staying here? At the house?” 

“I was planning on it, but I can always go to the Club or …” 

“Actually.” Jack held out his phone towards her. “It doesn’t look like anyone’s going anywhere tonight. They just issued a weather alert. They’re asking everyone to stay off the roads for the duration of the storm.” He could see the stress on the face. “At least we’re all here and we’re safe and warm. There’s plenty of room and Mrs. Martinez has a great meal planned. Silver linings, right?” 

Summer nodded, happy to jump on the bandwagon of bright spots. She stepped over towards Kyle, who had quietly slipped into the room and been content to stay in the background of the polite, but still obvious tension. “Not to mention that we’ll all get to be here for Anne and wake up with her on Christmas Eve. That’s worth staying for, right?”

Phyllis softened. She’d missed far too much of these special moments with her own children. It meant the world to her that she could spend them with Anne. “Of course it is, sweetheart. That’s worth everything.” 

~

The blowing sheets of snow had slowed over the past few hours and now the dark sky was merely speckled with big white flakes as they slowly drifted towards the ground. She wrapped the blanket tighter around herself as she stood on the rooftop terrace. It had always been her favorite part of the house. She’d wake up early in the mornings, grab coffee and something from the kitchen, and start her day staring out at the view that seemed to stretch out into forever. Even tonight, as her head was filled with a million contradictory thoughts, the sight of Genoa City in all its Christmas glory still did something to make her feel at peace. 

“I thought I might find you up here.” 

Tension filled her entire body. So much for peace. She glanced over at him, her lips pressed firmly together as she drew her arms even tighter around herself.   
“I can go if you want me to,” he began, recognizing the not so subtle signs that she was anything but happy to see him. “I just thought maybe … I don’t know.” He shrugged a bit before turning to head back inside. 

“Thought what?” She wasn’t sure why she said the words. There was more than a small part of her that had no desire to speak with him at all. They’d said everything that needed to be said, hadn’t they? It had been her own words, “They’d burnt it to the ground.” What was the point of discussing something that had been destroyed to that degree? Why dredge that up again? What could it possibly do but cause unnecessary pain for them both? 

“I don’t know. I guess maybe I thought we could talk or not … maybe just stand here and look out at the view. Maybe I thought if we could learn to just be in the same place without making each other so miserable, we might eventually be able to work ourselves up to a civil conversation, but you were here first, so …” 

“It’s more your house than mine. If you want to stay, stay.” 

He stood still for a moment. It wasn’t exactly a ringing endorsement, but it was one of the nicest things she’d said to him in years. He’d take it. Slowly he returned to the concrete railing and felt the cool stone beneath his hands. “It is a good view,” he said softly. 

A few moments passed without a word and finally she spoke. 

“You said you thought I might be here.” She looked over at here. “What did you mean?” 

“Well you … When we were …” It was dangerous territory to speak about, when they were together … It brought up memories and feelings and other things that often evoked emotions that weren’t pleasant. “You used to like to sit out on the balcony and … I just figured you’d probably come out here and …” 

“Yeah,” she whispered. “You forget how quiet it gets around here when you live in Chicago. It’s never this quiet in Chicago. Your mind never really has to focus like this … Maybe that’s …” She was the one that hesitated then. This, she realized, was why they didn’t speak. There were too many landmines, too many eggshells to walk on, too many subjects they were too afraid to broach. “It’s cold out here,” she said, her voice a mix of sadness and surrender. “I’m gonna go back inside and”

“Wait.” There was an urgency in his tone, a look in his eyes she hadn’t seen in many years. “I didn’t just come out here to look at the snow or to make small talk. I need to tell you something and I don’t know if it’ll mean anything or …” 

“Billy.” She shook her head preemptively. “If you’re going to apologize again, don’t. It doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing you could ever do or say can change what happened. The fact that it happened is still …”

“What if I could?” Her eyes blinked back at him, her face riddled with confusion. “What if I could say something that make change it?” 

“How are you going to change it? You can’t change the past, Billy. God knows there’s plenty of things in mine that I’d love to just rewrite, but that doesn’t mean I can just wave a wand and pretend that …”

“I’m not talking about pretending. I’m talking the truth. I’m talking about reality. I want to tell you the truth about what happened even if it might not matter, even if it’s too late to fix anything. You deserve to know the truth.” 

Her stomach lurched. “There’s more?” She could hear her own voice quiver a bit. “You know what, Billy, I don’t even think I want to know. If there’s another element to this sick little story that you haven’t told me yet, just keep it to yourself because I can’t handle any more than what you’ve already told me. You slept with my daughter and that fact is …” 

“Not a fact.” He said the words quickly, afraid that if he didn’t she might bolt before he had a chance to say anything else. “I know that’s what I told you and …” 

“Don’t.” She could feel the warmth of tears in her eyes now. “Don’t lie to me. I can’t handle this now, Billy. It’s been years. I’ve spent years dealing with this. I’ve spent years trying to forget it and now you want to come in and somehow speak it out of existence. It doesn’t work that way – no matter how bad you might want it to.” 

“I’m not doing that. If you’ll just listen, I can explain. Maybe we can go inside where it’s warmer. We can sit down and …” 

“I don’t want to sit down! I don’t want to talk about this! I don’t want to think about this! I should have trusted my instinct. I should have gone to the Club. I should have …”

“We were at the Club.” The words came in desperation now, their cadence matching the ticking clock he could sense within her. “I came to the Club to see her. She was already there, at the bar. I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t intend to sleep with her. I did. That was absolutely what I planned to do. I was so angry, so hurt, so messed up. I was in a bad place. I was out of control and I just wanted you to hurt as badly as I was.” 

“I told you to stop it!” She hissed at him as she turned and headed back into the warmth of the house. His hand reached for her as she quickly descended the stairs into the living room. 

“You need to hear this,” he said earnestly. “Just hear me out and then I swear I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want. I’ll never bother you again. Just let me get this out. Let me tell you the truth about what happened that night.” 

Something about the look in his eyes implored her to listen even as everything else screamed at her to push him away, to protect herself, to save her heart the promise of year another crushing blow. 

Her silence served as his answer. “She’d already had a few drinks and so had I. When we got up to the room, she knew what I wanted. Things were …” He considered his words, regretting even the actions he’d taken, knowing that even what he did would hurt her. “You know, at that time, she thought I was what she wanted and she … well, I didn’t have to convince her.” He swallowed hard. “We were undressed and then things were … I was …” The pain on her face as he said the words was palpable and it took everything in him to continue. “She kissed me and I wanted to feel vindicated. I wanted to feel powerful. I wanted to feel righteous, but instead it just felt wrong. I felt sick and twisted and …” He could still remember the feeling of dread of that welled up within him, the almost instantaneous switch from anger and vindication to shame and disgust. 

He had to continue. It had gone on far too long. She deserved to know the truth even if it meant nothing. “Summer, she could tell. She could feel that something was off and she offered to fix us drinks, so she went ot the mini bar and got some things. There wasn’t much in the way of mixers so we just took them as shots.” The burn of the liquid was still there in his throat if he closed his eyes and remembered. “She hasn’t had a much experience as I have with benders, but she matched me, shot for shot. After a few, we were both pretty wasted and then she just …” He looked up at her, waiting for her face to change, wondering if she’d even care.   
“She passed out.” 

A flicker of realization flashed in her eyes. “So how did you? Oh God Billy, you didn’t …” 

“No!” The momentary insult quickly gave way to understanding and he softened his tone. “I mean, no, I didn’t. I wouldn’t. Ever. But, given what I told you I did, that’s fair I guess. But no, we didn’t.” 

Her eyes widened a bit more. “So the two of you, you didn’t sleep together. You didn’t actually …”

“No. I paid a room service guy to come in and check on her and make sure was okay and then I left for rehab.” 

“This doesn’t make any sense, Billy. Summer said the two of you slept together. She told me herself. Why would she think that …” 

“She woke up and I was gone and I guess she just assumed …” He lowered his head. “And I think maybe, at that time, it was something she wanted to believe and it was easy for her to let her mind create the scenario.” 

“So you’re saying you never actually slept with her. You stopped it. You went to rehab and then you came back and you …” It was as if her mind was moving too fast, as if she was clawing at something just beyond her grasp. “You just lied to me about it? Why? Why would you let me think you’d done something like that when you hadn’t?” 

“I don’t know,” he admitted honestly. “I guess when I went to rehab I thought it would help. I thought I would be able to get past some of the anger and then, when I came back, that anger was still there and you were with Nick and every time I saw you with him, that anger came back again and part of me liked that fact that I had hurt you. It was wrong and I should have never let it go this far, but once I had and once I’d lied then I was afraid that you’d be even angrier that I had lied and …” It had all felt so incredibly hopeless. 

“Summer, does she know? Did you tell her?” 

“Not yet, but I will. I wanted to tell you first. I wanted you to know the truth and Summer has moved on. She and Kyle are happy and Anne is really their entire world, so I didn’t want to mess with any of that. I didn’t see any reason to complicate her life at this point.” 

“Right.” The word was almost a whisper. “She’s happy and this wouldn’t really change anything for her.”

Another moment of silence passed between them. 

“What about for us?” 

The question hung in the air for a moment and the silence seemed to haunt him. 

“I mean, I know that what I did isn’t a good thing. It’s still a horrible thing on about a million different levels, but I’m hoping it’s somehow a little bit better than the horrible thing you thought I did when you got here. Still, I don’t know if it matters to you now. I don’t know if it changes the way you look at me. I don’t know if changes the way you can look at me again.”

“I don’t know either,” she admitted.

“Are you glad I told you or should I have just …” 

“I’m glad you told me,” she answered quickly. “I don’t have to think about it anymore. I can let that particular nightmare go.”

“But there are still others.”

“Yeah. We made lots of mistakes, Billy. Both of us.” 

“Yeah, we did.” There was a sadness in her words and, he thought, perhaps finality. 

“It’s hard to believe.” Her words were soft as she stared at the glimmering Christmas tree. “It’s only been five years.” 

He swallowed hard, his mind instantly synching with hers. “Yeah. I never did take those sky diving lessons. Wonder if they have an expiration date?” 

“Don’t know,” she answered with what he thought was a bit of a smile. “I’m pretty sure that pear tree died before we did.” It was supposed to be a lighthearted comment, but something about the words fell heavy in the room. She heard his feet move across the floor and she turned, opening her mouth to say something, though she wasn’t sure quite what. Any thought she might have had left quickly as she saw the shining objects in his outstretched hand. 

“These are still here,” he whispered. 

She closed the distance between them and gingerly reached out to touch the five golden rings. “I can’t believe you still have these,” she managed. 

“Really?” 

He was certain he saw the smile then. 

“I guess not,” she answered. “Maybe I’m just … kind of surprised the didn’t spontaneously combust or something.” 

“You mean when like we did? Isn’t that what you said, ‘We burned it to the ground?’”

She nodded. “I did say that.” 

“And you meant it.”

“I did.” 

“And then you left.” 

“I did.” 

“And now you’re back.” 

“For Christmas.” 

“For Christmas.” He echoed her words. “And, since it is Christmas,” His hand reached for hers and gently let the rings fall into her waiting palm. “I know we’re not a we anymore, but I gave these to you and they’re yours and maybe you could just keep them to remember that even though we made mistakes, we also made some memories … some good ones.” 

He watched as she stared down at the rings in her hand. His heart sank as she shook her head slowly. “I can’t, Billy. It’s just …” The rings slowly fell back into his hand. “It hurts too much.”

“Okay.” He couldn’t fault her for that. He’d done this to her – to them. Sure, they’d both made mistakes, but it had been them that had dealt the death blow. “I’m sorry,” he said, in an attempt to move past this moment, “If I’d known you were coming, I could have gotten you a proper present, something not quite so loaded.” 

She looked up at him, her eyes brighter than he’d seen them in years, the light he’d been waiting for now as clear as he could have hoped. “You did,” she said softly. Her hand lightly brushed his clenched fist. “Keep those somewhere safe,” she whispered. “Maybe there’s still an ember somewhere.” 

The End


End file.
